A Short Visit With Jack

Posted on November 20, 2001

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I was off to the East coast and got a cheap non-stop flight from Los Angeles to New York. I thought it would be fun to fly down to LA a day early and meet with Jack Darling.

Or should I say Phil Ledendron.

Some of you might remember that Jack, the spouse of Irene,(owner of Faranganar Press) wrote some teen adventure novels early in his career under the nom de plume of Phil Ledendron. Jack was in Hollywood working on the screenplay of one of these books and we met at the Planet Hollywood restaurant.

I arrived a few minutes early and was shown to a table by a Clark Gable wanna-be. I was looking at the menu when I hear my name called, sounding like it was coming from the voice of God. Al Canton, my man. How you be doin' dude?

I looked up while repeating the words be doin' dude" in my mind. Nobody I know speaks like that, I thought.

I thought wrong.

Walking over to me is Jack, dressed in a John Travolta white suit with black shirt cut down to his navel. He has the white belt, the white shoes, and about fifteen gold chains of different lengths around his neck. He looked like Sony Bono doing a Pat Boone imitation. Who is this guy and why is he speaking to me?

"Jack? Is that really you? What? Did Halloween come a few days early? Why are you dressed in a leisure suit, looking like lounge lizard Larry?"

"Al, my man, you are not cool! This is Tinsel Town. You gotta look the look," Jack says standing right in front of me.

"Thanks, Jack, but I don't want to look like Peter Pan in drag. What's really going on," I answered

"Its a new me. Hollywood Phil. I'm young, I'm hip, I'm part of the scene."

"You're old, you're square, and you're insane."

"Come on, Al, think out of the box. Be cool. It's the nineties," Jack said turning toward the door and waving at someone.

"I want you to meet a friend." A tall early thirty something brunette started making her way toward our table. Everyone turned their head. When she got closer I saw why.

"This is Rhonda Lay, she is my leading lady, direct from Egypt." Rhonda smiled and they both sat down.

I always wanted to visit Egypt and see the pyramids. Now I don't have to as they were sitting next to me. Miss Lay had on a short leather skirt, but not as short as I've seen on other women. However, she wore a blouse that was thinner than mosquito netting. You could almost see through it better than you could see through most windows. I knew she must be a feminist, having decided to burn her bra instead of wearing it this morning.

"Ronda, Al's a book publisher as well as author, like me," Jack said.

"Oooh, I just love books," Rhonda cooed. "Every week I read TV Guide cover to cover. And I buy every one the author writes? Do you write TV Guide?"

"Uh, no Rhonda, sorry I don't. I think it might be beyond my capabilities," I said, shooting Jack a 'what the hell is going on' type of look.

"Rhonda is playing the environmental engineer who ends up saving the Grand Canyon from industrial pollution caused by an evil mining company," Jack said. I vaguely remembered the plot of his book, although I could not remember the title.

Rhonda sort of blushed at the attention. "I never played an engineer before. I've been a call girl, a warrior princess, and a bartender, but never an engineer. I can't wait to see the trains. I just love trains, don't you Jack."

"They're cool baby, just like you. Al, I love this place. Hollywood is so neat. Here, a writer on a potential hit series is really somebody. It's not like it is in the publishing world where they treat us like dirt. I'm a star here. They love me. Do you know they have someone assigned to just get me whatever I want to drink, or eat, or whatever?"

I had a good idea of what the ever" was!

"Jack, don't you know that this town swallows people, chews them up, and spits them out like sunflower seeds? My friend, you're headed for a fall."

"Ooooh, Jack, there's my friend Pati, you know, from General Hospital? I'll be back in a flash. I must say 'boo' to her," Rhonda said getting up. She walked across the restaurant giving everyone a pretty good tour of Egypt.

"Jack, don't tell me you're boffing this babe?"

"Are you kidding? Sure I had a fleeting thought about it, but her boyfriend is a body-builder and works as an extra on Baywatch. Don't let Ronda fool you. The dumb blonde thing is all an act. Just like Charo. This gal has a great head for business," said Jack.

I shuttered to think what that really meant in a town like LA (or anywhere else for that matter).

"I'm telling you Al, you'd never know this was the age of restraint, safe sex, caution. The guys down here, I swear they get more ass than a toilet seat."

I remembered that line from The Dear Hunter, said by the same guy who played Frado in the Godfather. He is now dead. I wonder from what.

"And besides, no one can be discreet in this burg. All you have to do is wink at someone and your puss is in the tabloids. No, you don't have to worry about this old dog. Irene would put a contract out one me if she thought I was messing around."

Well, she didn't the last few times Jack got caught, but he didn't know I knew the whole story. And besides, Irene was no vestal virgin herself, having done a few numbers with some authors you all would know, as well as a famous news anchor.

"So what is with the retro-seventies look? If I remember, it made you barf back then. So why are you wearing this stuff."

"It's the character, man. I'm going to be in pictures. I demanded a cameo role in the shoot and they caved. I get to play a night club singer who is hired to romance the engineer to get some information he can pass along to the evil company."

"I don't remember that being in your book."

"What book? Do you think any of these people care about my book? Do you think any of them can read? They like the title, the basic plot, and a few of the characters. The rest is all up for grabs. I must have rewritten it about 10 times. Believe me, I'm earning me keep around here, not that the scenery is too bad!"

Rhonda Lay returned and sat down. "Oooh, Jack, Pati said she thinks she can get me a role on Star Trek. She says I'm perfect for the part. They need a Dabo girl. What's a Dabo girl?"

"Dabo is a futuristic casino game where a beautiful show-girl type spins a wheel. I'd say you are almost dressed for the part right now," I explained.

"Oh, way cool. Hey, if you got em, keep em."

"I think the expression is 'flaunt' them'," I said.

"Haunt them? They're not haunted, they're real. Can't you see that?" she said. I then realized that Jack was right. She was not that good an actress. She could not be that dumb.

"Rhonda, level with me. Jack told me the truth. You're not who you are acting like, are you?," I asked.

"Damn it, Jack. Why did you have to spoil the fun. And I was doing so well too, wasn't I Jack?" she said.

"OK, I give up. Al, meet the assistant director and star of the show, Susan Russell, aka Rhonda Lay,"

Rhonda smiled. "It's true. I'm really more of a director than an actress. And you can stare all you like. I started as a model and quickly got used to men looking at me. It is all part of the power thing. You don't make it in this town on ability, you make it on your looks, your publicity value, your contacts, and your luck."

"Yeah, this is no place for a serious author, which is probably why I fit in so well. Honest, Al, I do like it here. You don't have to be good, you just have to be cool," said Jack

I've been giving Jack 'cool' lessons'," Rhonda said. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to get him out of his blue blazer and his button down shirt."

I got a quick vision of Rhonda 'getting' Jack out of his blazer and shirt.

"Well, I must admit it took a while, but I'm really into the LA thing. And I'm going to see if we can move down here," Jack replied.

"Well, you definitely look the part," I told him.

"It's image, dude, it's all image."

"Jack's right. Everyone is playing a role here, so you just have to play along and you can get to be big. And that's what it's all about, isn't it?," Rhonda said.

"It must be, or there wouldn't be so many people doing it," I said. Let's order lunch."

We discussed his project, the role of women in TV, and the relationship of books to film. Rhonda was indeed a lot smarter than she looked. I'm sure her role model was Madonna, who as everyone knows is an entire industry.

Our conversation made me think about the future of literacy and literature in our society. I knew I'd have something to ponder on the flight from LAX to JFK.

[Copyright 2002 by Alan N. Canton. This material may be re-published on and Internet listserv or Usenet newsgroup without prior permission by the copyright holder. Any other re-publication is prohibited without express permission of the copyright holder.]

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